I am the shattered Hero
by Digger McFoogle
Summary: Just because haven’t written in so long! A short monologue in which Seifer reflects on the worst torture he was ever subjected to. SPOILERS


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I am the shattered hero

Synopsis: Just because haven't written in so long! A short monologue in which Seifer reflects on the worst torture he was ever subjected to. *SPOILERS*

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Warning: contains themes of violence, sex and insanity, plus a popular theory

I know you.

You inside the mask. You haunt me, even now, with your amber eyes. I knew those eyes from birth, you made sure of that. That day, when you came to the orphanage, I didn't understand you, your purpose, your creed.All I understood was your beauty- pure white skin, long silver hair like platinum falls, blackened wings of a fallen angel, and a dress which stirred me to the core. I know now, of course, the danger which you held. Now that it's too late.

A modern Macbeth, tempted by the witches…

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She tried to stop me. Matron, Mother, the only person who loved me and received my love in the purest form. _She _was a Madonna, a Mary, a Saint. Dressed like a blackened nun, a symbol of truth and the best of the world. She was _my _joy_, _not for you to taste, to stain, to degrade. But you did.

Tell me why it had to be _her_? I was once told that many sorceresses lived on this land… so why her? _She_, who was so pure and good in my eyes, who cradled me as a child; a young, innocent, crying child.

How could you do this?

You always were malicious.

Golden eyes. They always made me sigh with lust, those eyes. And when I saw them framed by dark black lashes and rich purple rings I was spellbound. Just like you to be dramatic… she was beautiful, you know. More beautiful than you ever were. But she wasn't _herself_, that made me fell better as a chanted it, watching _you _slip the dress off of _her _body. I couldn't resist her. I couldn't resist you.

You were never beautiful. I can tell you that. At first, you never tried; a simple necklace with a ring, hair un-brushed and uncut, a fairly modest black-and-blue outfit. And your eyes, they were different too… yet still in a way were the same… burning with determination, greed, lust, want, and above all a radiance that was- is- irresistible. A sweet sixteen year old virgin in Timber. And somehow you found me.

That one moment caused this. All of it.

You once told me as you cradled me in _her _arms that you remembered how we met. A dropped gil coin, a courteous gesture and a secondary stare. You never forgot. But in your world, I did. And Squall did. And all the others did. We all lost our minds from GF use- SeeD destroyed us all.

Kurse you SeeD.

You liked me to take you like a whore in her body. It felt wrong, degrading perfection like that, but you never liked to be innocent. She looked so perfect even with her body befouled with the poisonous lines of your own self hate. I would look down at her and weep, then look at you inside and cry out with lust. It was you I wanted, not her…

It was you I wanted, not her…

She was too perfect for me. You were a dirty little harlot. Always wanting me to take you, asking me to do things that would make grown men cry. But I am a knight. I am big and strong and don't cry over base things. I'll never cry for you. Yet I'd never defy you either, because you knew how to hurt me. A razor, my gun blade, broken glass, anything you could get your filthy hands on you'd jab in her flesh, carving lines and spoiling the faultlessness. Spoilt Brat, that's all you are. You were always jealous of her, how we never loved you as much as her. You were never part of the gang, Ultimecia. Rinoa.

She doesn't remember. I'm glad she doesn't; she cant remember fucking her "son". She doesn't talk much, doesn't leave her home to travel, doesn't talk about her involvement… and neither do I, for ho w could we expect them to understand. We stand back, watching those who never strayed from right celebrate their moment of glory. Fujin, Raijin, her and I, we sit on the outside looking in at the little world, wishing that we had been resigned to a happier fate.

And who is the toast of the parties? Who lead the praise, took her bow, smiled and waved like all the others? Why, the very villain they'd slain. I see you there, Rinoa. And I see who you really are.

I know you.


End file.
